We have learnt that we as human beings are intelligent, creative, joyful, powerful entities and are capable of loving and being loved.

In this sense, humans should have good relationships with other humans, think and act wisely and enjoy life.

Nevertheless through years of conditioning since childhood where we are told what we should and should not do and together with the hurt that we experienced through various kinds of oppression we develop emotional distress patterns. Emotional distress patterns can include having negative feelings and the breakdown in our relationships with others.

What do we mean by distress? It can be a break-up of a relationship, divorce, death of a loved one, conflict with family members, being abused and oppressed – generally any incident that causes uneasiness to our emotional wellbeing.

For example, we were continuously told that we should not cry when we were hurt when we were young. Therefore as adults now, even when we feel hurt and sad and want to cry, we hold back. We stop ourselves from crying.

Crying is a way of healing. And because society’s norm says we should not cry, we are prevented from recovering from our hurts. When this form of oppression is allowed to continue, we become troubled and frustrated.

When we are deprived of the means to heal from distresses, we consciously or unconsciously create defence mechanisms to protect ourselves from further hurt. This can be in the form of self-limitation attitudes such as giving up and a sense of powerlessness.

It can also manifest itself in the form of aggression, denial and repression. Emotional distress patterns prevent us from thinking clearly and affect us from solving problems in a rational manner.

Peer counseling restores the ability to think rationally and clearly. This is achieved through healing and recovery from emotional distress patterns by guaranteeing a place to release suppressed feelings.

Emotional discharge can be in the form of crying, sweating, trembling, laughing, yawning, shouting and getting angry. After the emotional discharge we are able to think clearly and re-examine the situation that caused distress patterns and look for ways to resolve them.

Through a continuous process of emotional discharge, we are able to break away from the distress patterns. We begin to heal and recover from the hurt of past experiences. We learn to trust people again and develop fulfilling relationships.

When this happens, we regain the true human nature that we are born with – that human beings are intelligent, creative, joyful, powerful entities and are capable of loving and being loved.

The role of the peer counselor is to listen, draw out and encourage the client in the process of emotional discharge. The peer counselor must be sincere and open minded in assisting the client in this process, understanding that with each emotional discharge, he is helping the client to gain confidence, recover from past distresses and realise his full potential as a human being.

On the client’s part, he talks, discharges emotions, re-evaluates and heal from past distresses that are affecting him.

Emotional discharge is a process of self-healing from hurt, sadness and other distresses. It is a natural healing process to recover from sorrow and suffering. In Peer Counseling, emotional discharge plays an important role in helping clients realise past emotional distresses, openly express those suppressed emotions in a safe and confidential way, look for ways to resolve and recover from them, and move on to having a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with others.

The recent rally by the Barrier-Free Environment and Accessible Transport Group (BEAT) to advocate for accessible public transport is one such example. The wide coverage by the print and electronic media has raised awareness up to the ministerial level. BEAT would not have achieved much without the support of the mainstream media.

Nevertheless, I am concerned that some articles in newspapers and programmes in televisions have a penchant to dramatise the stories that they carry. Disabled persons who have achieved their place in life are often hailed as people who have overcome extraordinary odds to reach where they are today where non-disabled persons who have accomplished the same would have been overlooked.

While there is truth to what these disabled persons have accomplished, many of those extraordinary odds are manmade. Those are barriers to equal educational and employment opportunities. And then there are barriers to public transport and in the built environment. I am not saying that by removing those barriers, disabled persons can achieve more. However, is it not ironic that we are applauding these people for overcoming the hardships that we created for them in the first place?

Another angle that the media like to use is the sympathy approach. As they say, a picture paints a thousand words. Images of a man with skin and bones for limbs certainly can tug at one’s heart strings, and purse strings. It is undeniable that we are a nation of generous people. That said, sympathy should not be used as a tool to canvass for donation. It is an undignified portrayal of disabled persons. Disability should never be manipulated in such ways to make the public part with their money, however worthy the causes may be. Disabled persons do not need sympathy. They need opportunities to realise their full potential.

If the media is truly interested in supporting disabled persons who are in need of assistance, they should work with reputable non-governmental organisations on sustainable projects that not only benefit one individual momentarily but an entire community in the long run. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. You then have to give him another fish tomorrow and the day after and the day after. Teach him to fish and you feed him for life.

Education is one way to lift disabled persons up from the marginalised position that they are in today. They need to understand their rights and their needs and advocate for it. They need to understand that the nation as a system entrusted to look after the interests of citizens, and not their family alone or even public and corporations, is responsible for their well-being, and work towards making the nation play their part responsibly.

What disabled persons do not need is dramatisation of their lives with pathetic scripts and pitiful images for the sake of soliciting money that can only maintain them temporarily. Is the mass media ready to play a positive part to empower disabled persons by highlighting the inequalities that they are facing and what can be done to right those wrongs? Will they portray it from a rights-based angle? Or will they continue to portray disabled persons as helpless beings and tell tear-jerking stories to gather sympathy for short term gains?

This entry first appeared in Monster Blog on February 12, 2006.

When it comes to charity, the recipients are mostly in a position of passivity. The assistance provided are often according to the perception of what the benefactors think disabled persons need. The perception may not always be correct. The recipients do not have a say in what is given to them lest they be deemed to look at a gift horse in the mouth.

In Malaysia, we have not reached a stage where all disabled persons can practice consumerism due to economic factors. When they are not gainfully employed, they have to depend on the mercy of their family and carers for all their needs. In such circumstances, they are not in a position to dictate what they require.

It is a vicious cycle. In the end, this group of people are reduced to a state where they have to accept whatever that is dished out to them, whether they like it or not. They lose their dignity and the ability of self-determination. What is the value of life then? They not only are prisoners in their own bodies but trapped in a society that sees them as charity cases and nothing else.

The burden of caring for them should not fall solely on the family. The state must play a major role in ensuring that their rights and dignity are protected. This can be achieved by first making available a range of support services and aids to assist them in their daily living. These all must be consumercentric services where they have the final say in how they want it provided.

Nobody likes to be compelled to accept goods and services that do not conform to their standards. Likewise, disabled persons should not be obligated to accept the same. We, as a society, must move away from viewing them as perpetually helpless people needing welfare handouts to providing them with opportunities that can empower them to lead fulfilling lives. Consumerism is they way to achieve that.

This entry first appeared in MoNSTerBlog on October 18, 2006.

Nevertheless, parents need to understand that as the child grows up, there is a real need to allow him to take charge of his own life. How long can the parents be there to protect the child? What will happen to the child after the parents are no longer around?

We certainly cannot expect the child to suddenly grow up and fend for himself. There are skills that are required for activities of daily living and skills needed for living independently. These have to be learnt over a period of time. Those skills may be second nature to many but for one who had been protected all his life, it would be as foreign to him as Greek.

Parents who really care for the wellbeing of the disabled child, no matter how old the child is, should gradually wean him off his dependency on them. This is the best legacy that they can leave their child with.

It is only through managing his own needs that the child regains a sense of self-reliance and self-worth. That confidence will in turn empower him to take charge of his own life, be responsible for his own actions and learn to be independent.

As it is, disabled persons are faced with more challenges than they can overcome. Parents should take the initiative to encourage their child to go out and face the world instead of keeping them away from the prying eyes of the public. Sooner or later, they will have to go out and face the world anyway.

This entry first apeared in MoNSTerBlog on October 10, 2006.

Agreements of Peer Counseling
1. To allocate time equally
2. To protect confidentiality and privacy
3. To not deny or criticize
4. To not give advice or instruction
plus
5. To refrain as much as possible from smoking, drinking liquor or beverages containing caffeine, and sweets during sessions

The First Agreement - To allocate equal time
This only applies in group Peer Counseling. In this type of counselling, everyone will have the same amount of time to talk. The amount of time allocated is dependent on the number of participants. It can range from five to ten minutes.

The Second Agreement – To maintain confidentiality and privacy
Trust is important. The client must be able to trust the counsellor for him to talk openly about his problems. Therefore, the counsellor must maintain confidentiality and privacy. At no time should he divulge anything that was spoken during the session to anybody.

The Third Agreement - To not deny or criticize
A Peer Counselor must accept all that the client reveals during the session. Peer Counselers must neither judge nor criticize the client for whatever reason. A Peer Counselor’s opinions are irrelevant during a session. The time for the session is entirely the clients and they can use that time in any way they like. Peer Counsellors are there to provide support and listen.

The Fourth Agreement - To not give advice or instruction
Every human has the power to resolve the challenges that they face. Likewise, in Peer Counseling, the client is encouraged to recognise their problems by talking openly about it. Through that they are able to discover ways and means to resolve those problems.

Plus One - To refrain as much as possible from smoking, drinking liquor or beverages containing caffeine, and sweets during sessions
Alcohol, caffeine and sweets are known to alter moods. During Peer Counseling sessions, clients should be in full conscious control of themselves without the influence of external substances. Only when the client is in full control of their senses are they able to come to a rational decision to solve the problems they are facing.

Date: August 19, 2006 (Saturday)
Time: 2.00-5.00 pm
Venue: Sin Chew Media Corporation’s Hall
67, Jalan Macaslister, 10400 Penang (Opposite UMNO Building)
Tel: 04-2226666
Language: English and Hokkien with Mandarin translation

The goals of Peer Counseling are:

1. Recovery of self worth
   • Peer counseling allows disabled persons to be aware of our own feelings, abilities and regain confidence.
   • To learn about our wants and needs.
   • To be aware of and understand the obstacle to attain those wants and needs.
   • To fully express feelings (emotional discharge).
   • To conduct re-evaluation after achieving goals and to see whether those goals need to be changed or to explore other possibilities.
2. Rebuilding human relationships
   • Renewal of self-image.
   • Reconsideration and re-evaluation concerning relationships.
   • To build a positive supportive relationship with a counselor, and then build relationships with others.
3. Social reformation
   • Going back to live in the community to change attitudes, perceptions and environment.
   • Demonstrates that life is more meaningful when lived through mutual support.

1. At least 51% of the board members must be disabled persons
2. Key decision making positions must be occupied by disabled persons
3. At least one staff must be a disabled person
4. Centre for Independent Living must provide the following services:

i) Information provision and referrals (services, housing, personal assistants)
ii) Peer counselling (conducted only by disabled persons)
iii) Independent Living Programmes (independent living skills)
iv) Advocacy (accessibility, equalization of opportunities)

Apart from that, Independent Living Centres are encouraged to provide other services such as accessible transportation. These centres must serve all types disabilities and not limited to only one kind of disability.

Independent Living for People with Disabilities respects the rights, dignity and choice of individuals by advocating equal opportunities and support that leads to self-determination. The four key concepts of Independent Living as expounded by Ed Roberts, one of the founders of the Independent Living movement in the USA during the early-seventies are as follows:

1. People with disabilities should live in their communities instead of staying in institutions.
2. People with disabilities are neither patients to be cared for, children to be protected, nor God to be worshipped.
3. People with disabilities themselves can identify the necessary assistance required and manage it.
4. People with disabilities are the victims of social prejudice rather than the victims of disabilities.

Independent Living does not mean that a disabled person wants to live by himself or do everything by himself. When assistance is needed, it must be provided to improve the quality of life through personal assistants, assistive devices and other support services.

For example, there is no point in a disabled person spending two hours dressing up when a personal assistance can help him accomplish the task in five minutes. The time saved can be utilised in other more productive endeavours.

Disabled persons, like everyone else, desire to live in the community, get educated in mainstream schools, be gainfully employed in jobs that commensurate with their skills and qualifications, and generally enjoy a quality of life that is at par with that of the community they live in.